QUENTIN LETTS: The staccato Rachel Reeves uttered the ‘black hole’ excuse nine times… it all smacked of panicked evasion_l
To use an excuse once, twice, even thrice might be reasonable. To produce it 23 times in a single hour of parliamentary debate sounds more like panicked evasion.
Rachel Reeves, our peculiar new Chancellor, was taking her first Commons Treasury questions. ‘Black hole,’ she quacked. ‘Black hole. Black hole. Black hole.’
She kept being asked why she had taken winter fuel money out of the wallets of old-age pensioners. You will recall that she made this controversial decision at the same time she was blowing ten times that saving on pay rises for public-sector unions.
There was no mention of black holes when the Brothers demanded their Danegeld, but that is because OAPs lack the power to bring railway services and cancer operations to a halt.
A picket line staffed by pensioners might lack the raw efficiency of your average Aslef protest. At the chant of ‘What do we want?’, half of them would cup an ear and say: ‘Sorry, dear, you’re going to need to speak up a bit.’
Chancellor of the Exchequer Rachel Reaves leaving Downing Street wearing a dark navy suit on September 3
Pictured: An elderly man and woman wrapping up in a blanket to keep warm next to a radiator as they read their gas bill
Look out for the new Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury, James Murray. He’s a corker – a pint-sized squirt whose clerical demeanour is undermined by a randy right eyebrow. It keeps jumping when he makes his questionable claims.
The remaining four mentions of ‘black hole’ went to Labour backbenchers. Among these boot-lickers, the greaser-of-the-day honours were shared by Bill Esterson, a long-serving donkey from Sefton Central, and a new chap from Bracknell called Peter Swallow.
‘Will the Chancellor explain to the House,’ gulped this Swallow, ‘the damage done to pensioners’ livelihoods by the previous Government’s economic incompetence and their decision to cover up the £22billion black hole in the public finances?’
He gave the last few words the tragic weight of a schoolgirl reciting Longfellow’s The Wreck of the Hesperus.
Ms Reeves had of course already ‘explained’ her black hole thesis numerous times. Nor had wet little Swallow bothered to memorise his intervention. Like many of the other newbies, he read his question. The most you can surely do, when issued with a patsy line by your party’s Whips, is learn the thing by heart.
Shadow Chancellor Jeremy Hunt leaving the BBC Broadcasting House in London after appearing on Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg on July 21
Two months into her new responsibilities, Ms Reeves is already on the defensive and a distinct exhaustion line has developed under her left eye.
Within a theatrical setting such as the Commons, it does not help that she looks so constantly uneasy.
She has this manner of grinning and blinking as she speaks. The younger of the two Steptoes, played by Harry H. Corbett, did similar.
It is not merely an awkward grimace. At one point Ms Reeves swivelled in her seat to listen to a Labour backbencher who was standing behind her to her right. Before she turned she looked perfectly normal. Once she knew the man could see her, she remembered to ping on that strange smile. Aiee! She just looked geeky. Frog on a hot plate.
In addition to the ‘black hole’ claim, Ms Reeves and her ministers kept claiming that pensioners were in financial clover. Of this, too, I kept count.
Ten times did they claim that the state pension had risen £900 in the last year, that energy costs were lower and that pensioners would henceforth be encouraged to claim pension credits which they may be due. The wording was almost identical each time.
Ms Reeves wearing protective wear whilst making a visit to the National Manufacturing Institute of Scotland on August 28
It all smacked of a pre-session brainstorm entitled: ‘What the heck are we going to say when we’re asked about nicking winter fuel allowances?’
The rise in the pension, since you ask, was nothing to do with Ms Reeves. It was an automatic consequence of inflation.
Which leaves enough room to report that Tonbridge MP Tom Tugendhat launched his campaign to lead the Conservative Party. Ex-Army, he’s a smooth charmer but not the most self-aware.
For a speech that denounced egotism, the room was festooned with ‘TOM’ merchandising, including chocolates printed with his handsome face.
