You really couldn’t make it up. Keir Starmer dumps the Rwanda plan with great flourish on his first day as PM having slated it as inhumane, immoral and wrong. He said he’d still have dumped it even if it worked. Which is not only perverse, it’s stupid.

Now we hear Germany thinks it’s a fantastic idea and wants to send its illegal immigrants to be processed in the luxury facilities paid for by British taxpayers. And other EU countries want in on the Rwanda act too after Germany’s migration commissioner, Joachim Stamp, called on the EU to adopt the kind of deterrent the Tories came up with first but which has been dumped by Labour as being an “unworkable silly gimmick”.

Seriously, how much more of a fool could Keir Starmer look? He’s now an outlier in the EU where immigration is concerned. Rwanda was the only deterrent we had and he scrapped it with nothing to put in its place. And he scrapped it for no other reason than it was the Tories’ idea. Now other EU countries are clamouring to go to the African country and to use the facilities we paid for.

And if Starmer’s talking inhumane, what about the six kids and the pregnant woman who died illegally crossing the Channel this week? How inhumane was it for that young woman to be drowning in icy waters?

THAT’S bloody inhumane. How much better, how much more humane for that young woman to have been processed in Rwanda where she could have given birth to her unborn baby in the luxury hotel-like Hope Hostel in prosperous and flourishing Kigali.

But now she’s dead as are six innocent kids. And there’ll be many more while Starmer wangs on about his non-existent plan to smash the gangs. He could still have smashed the gangs whilst saving the life of that young woman and those six kids by processing them in Rwanda. What’s immoral and inhumane is allowing tens of thousands of people to come here in small boats and having nowhere to put them – apart from the four-star hotels obviously. What’s immoral is having British taxpayers forking out £8million a day for immigrant facilities.

Because it’s all very well slating one plan as unworkable but it’s quite another not having another having no plan at all. Is Starmer going to wait until our situation gets as horrific as Germany’s? Angela Merkel had the same attitude to immigration as Starmer – an open door policy.

“We can do this,” she triumphantly shouted back in 2015 when she let in ONE MILLION migrants. Two million more have come since, the result being that Germany’s economy is in the toilet, violent and sex crimes are out of control and 40 per cent of all crime suspects in Berlin are foreign nationals.

As this Government refuses to publish statistics for the crimes that are committed by foreign nationals it could be the same here.

Now Germany looks like it’s going to benefit from the millions we spent to build those luxury facilities in Rwanda because thick, short-sighted politicians still believe it’s the same country it was 30 years ago during the genocide.

How does Starmer not know Rwanda is now one of THE most successful and fastest growing economies in Africa. It’s certainly the cleanest country in Africa. It’s the most secure. It has a stable Government and a parliament with the biggest majority of women in the world. And next to Botswana it has the best anti-corruption regime in Africa. It’s also a hugely popular tourist destination and businesses are flocking there to hold international conferences. So what’s inhumane and immoral about sending people there?

Frankly, it sounds a whole lot better and more civilised than the UK.

Yet another own goal for Starmer!

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DEMI Moore says she’s always been insecure about her body.

Yeah, right… We’d all be tearing our hair out if we had a body like THIS!

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JEREMY Kyle tried to defend his presenting style at an inquest this week after a contestant he’d screamed at in 2019 to “grow a pair of balls” died after the show in a suspected suicide. An inquest heard ITV producers had also laughed and joked that Steve Dymond was crying and, before he left the studio, told a producer: “I wish I was dead.”

And a week later he was.

Kyle says he’s not in any way to blame. Sorry, but Kyle HAS to take responsibility for the kind of presenter he was – bullying, hectoring and often downright cruel. Ditto his producers.

His presenting style at the time – which involved ritually humiliating and shouting at guests – drew big audiences and for him that meant fame, an obscene pay packets (a rumoured £2million a year in 2014) and a luxury lifestyle. “I didn’t create The Jeremy Kyle Show,” he said at the inquest. “I was paid to do a job.”

Sorry, that’s a cop out. He wasn’t a puppet. He was a grown man who could have at any point refused to continue humiliating, goading and belittling guests. But he didn’t. In fact to all of us watching – he seemed to relish it.

I’ve been around shows like Kyle’s, and I’ve seen guests being manipulated, wound up and encouraged to behave badly – often with the help of alcohol. It made “good” TV. So when it goes wrong and people die, TV bosses and presenters need to take some responsibility for their part in those shows that were created in the name of ratings and money.

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A NEW poll this week says Millennials are spending £728 a year on takeaway coffees (probably why they can’t afford to buy a house) while Boomers like me spend just £260 a year. I don’t buy takeaways – NOT because I’m tight but because it’s too stressful. Every time I go into a coffee shop it’s the same story. I ask the vacant looking young server for a “an extra hot white Americano with chocolate sprinkles please”.

They stare blankly back and say “Do you want milk with that and do you want chocolate on top?”

I want to scream. I have to repeat the order two or three times before they finally get it because young people have the retention capacity of your average gnat.

And don’t get me started on the “extra hot” thing. I’ve lost count of the time snotty baristas tell me that making it too hot ruins the coffee. Not for me it doesn’t. And as I’m paying a vastly inflated price for it, I should be able to have it exactly how I want without having a barney.

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MANY of you will know I’ve been taking Ozempic for weight loss and have lost nearly four stones. I’m thrilled because it means I no longer have joint pain or back pain and the magni cent bonus is I can now slip into a size 12. Then I started to read about how the drug could also prevent heart disease, slow dementia, stop certain cancers and reverse kidney disease.

All of which is fantastic. But this week a new raft of studies produced the real zinger – that Ozempic could be a miraculous Fountain of Youth and can help slow down biological ageing helping us all live longer.

I’ve just asked Juniper, a company that sells Ozempic online, if this also means I’m going to look 20 years younger while I’m living longer. They tell me that while, yes, the drug can work miracles – just not THAT particular miracle…

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WHINGEING Prince Harry says he’d consider stepping back into royal life but first William has to apologise.

For what? Wills hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s Harry who slated the family as racists, who sold their intimate secrets for money. It’s him who trashed Kate, slagged off Camila and disrespected his Father.

But in Harry’s befuddled head, his self-imposed exile is all everyone else’s fault. He also says he’d be willing to come back and help out with royal duties if the King asked him. Why would he ask him? He’s asking for the half-in, half-out role the Queen told him five years ago was impossible.

And if he’s as keen to rebuild his relationship with his Father as he says he is – maybe he should try actually seeing him.

He saw him for just half an hour in February when Charles was first diagnosed with cancer but not since. That’s despite the fact he was here in May for the Invictus games and again last month for a funeral. But he didn’t see him then either, choosing instead to stay with Charles Spencer.

Harry doesn’t get it. No-one wants him back. He’s done too much damage and he’d be a liability to the Monarchy. He needs to stay in Montecito with Meghan. It’s the very least he deserves!