Keir Starmer is in for a huge surprise (Image: PA)
Two-Tier has that permanent aura of discomfort on his face that bears a stark resemblance to the possible look of a constipated Womble. There are, fortunately, numerous patent nostrums for such ailments available at the local chemist.
What affliction caused the PM such distress yesterday? Well apparently, he’d got all hot and bothered over the latest migration numbers just released by the Office for National Statistics (ONS). In a rare, albeit, fleeting second of empathy, I fully appreciated the poor chap’s dilemma because the details made for very uncomfortable reading.
Net migration was revealed hitting a record high of nearly one million last year: 906,000 to be precise according to the ONS. Most of us know that far too many people have gained entry to this country, both legally and illegally, which is quite simply unsustainable.
The breakdown of demographics that made up this shocking number are readily available from the ONS, so I won’t bore you with a stream of statistical detail, Possums.
What galled many in attendance and many of those watching the hastily convened presser was the PM ranting about who and what was to blame. The Tories were responsible for this gross experiment in an open border policy, Two-Tier indignantly proclaimed. It was deliberate, it wasn’t accidental. But it’s not quite that simple, nor is it honest, Prime Minister and you know it!
Whilst the previous government can certainly bear significant responsibility for many elements of policy failure, there are clear cases of extenuating circumstances that should be properly considered in mitigation.
Most of us are heartily sick and tired of being subjected to the blame game and the finger pointing. It’s almost as if Two-Tier has a programmed reaction when he’s under the cosh, it’s his go-to response when his policy agenda is questioned both in the House and publicly.
But you’re calling the shots now, Prime Minister, so what is your plan? What is your remedy? Typically, this is where we hit a brick wall with this clown, because we have no idea what any plan is any more than he does, or if he even has one at all.
A vague reference was made to the publication of a white paper in the new year. The PM’s responses to other questions of how he intended to tackle the problem were either ducked or, you guessed it, blamed on the Tories, or anything else he could think of.
“Let me say directly to the people watching, where the last government failed you, this one will not. They drove immigration numbers up. We will get them down,” Starmer assured in his statement.
There you have it, so that’s alright then, don’t you think? He refused to set out details on either a timeframe or by what numbers net migration would be reduced, saying he was not prepared to set an “arbitrary” cap. He did tell us though: “The days of fiction and pretending there are easy answers are over. These are the days of hard graft”.
Well, that’s reassuring too, isn’t it? Although it still doesn’t answer the question. When asked to comment about the cultural impact on communities when such large numbers of migrants enter the UK, this Muppet declined to comment. Instead he pointed to the need to boost skills training to reduce the need for foreign workers.
That was rather stating the obvious. But with the recent disastrous budget and the new workers charter factored into this equation the practical aspects of this idea should be questioned.
Home Office figures also showed the cost of our asylum system rising to five billion quid a year, representing the highest level of spending on record. It was up by more than a third in the period under review.
The number of migrants being housed in hotels alone also climbed by 20% from 29,585 to 35,651 in the three months to September, which was after Labour won the election. Back then we heard things like “smashing the gangs” and creating special committees and such like to address the problem, but we’ve heard sweet bleep-all since.
All mouth and no trousers is more like it, Possums, isn’t it? Labour is the party in power, albeit lacking an indisputable popular mandate yet the responsibility is, however, theirs and theirs alone now to govern. Flippin’ heck, they’ve got a massive enough majority so they ought to be able to get on the front foot and do their job, or at least you would have thought so, wouldn’t you?
But nope, seems like they’re more like preening peacocks strutting their stuff. Their ministers wander the countryside on a photoshoot in expensive wellies whilst double digit saluting our hard-working farmers, for example. Gorging on Lord Alli’s largesse whilst failing miserably to demonstrate any credibility sums up this bunch rather well.
And if Two-Tier seriously thinks he can bluff his way through the next four and half years with his policy flip-flopping and finger pointing then he’s in for one great big bleeping surprise. Yesterday’s address to the assembled press has become all too familiar.
Lack of imagination and general ineptitude are developing into entirely predictable norms. Come on, Kemi. Twist the knife. You’ll slay this goliath eventually (metaphorically speaking, of course, Possums).
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